A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six-year-olds. After explaining the commandment to “Honor thy father and thy mother,” she asked “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?” Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, “Thou shall not kill.”

A guy was walking and saw a crowd of people by a lake. So he went over to see what it was. It was a church baptizing people, but the guy didn’t know that. So he walks up and gets in line. When it came to his turn, the preacher led him into the water. The preacher took his head, gently dunked him under water, pulled him up and asked him “Do you see Jesus?” The guy said “No.” This happened a few more times, and after the 3rd time the guy asked the preacher, “Are you sure he went down right here?”

While visiting his niece, an elderly man had a heart attack. The woman drove wildly to get him to the emergency room. After what seemed like a very long wait, the E. R. doctor appeared, wearing his scrubs and a long face. Sadly, he said, “I’m afraid that your uncle’s brain is dead, but his heart is still beating.” “Oh, dear,” cried the woman, her hands clasped against her cheeks, “We’ve never had a politician in our family before.”

At Sunday school, they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam’s ribs. Later in the week, his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill. She said, “Johnny, what’s the matter?” Little Johnny responded, “I have pain in my side. I think I’m going to have a wife.”

One Liners

* Some people say, “I go to church, so I am a Christian.” But that’s like saying if you go to McDonald’s you’re a Quarter Pounder!

* I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

* Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven’t fallen asleep yet.

* Am I ambivalent? Well, yes and no.

* And finally… Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.