Did you hear about the dyslexic atheist with insomnia?

He stayed up all night wondering if there was a Dog.

 

 

 

A drunkard waddled outside the bar and encountered a priest. The drunk confronts him and says, ”Hey, I’m Jesus!”

The priest replies, ”No son, you are clearly drunk.” The drunkard gets agitated and exclaims, ”Ok I’ll prove it to you!” The drunk takes the priest into the bar. The bartender looks at the drunkard and shouts,

”Jesus Christ, it’s you again!”

 

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says, “Slim, I’m 83 years old now, and I’m just full of aches and pains. I know you’re about my age. How do you feel?”

Slim says, “I feel just like a newborn baby!”

“Really? Like a newborn baby?”

“Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.”

 

A family was on its way to the hospital where their 16-year-old daughter was scheduled to undergo a tonsillectomy. During the ride, the teenager and her parents talked about how the procedure would be performed.

“Dad,” the teenager asked, “how are they going to keep my mouth open during the surgery?”

Without hesitation, he said, “They’re going to give you a phone.”

 

Top 5 Reasons God Created Eve

5. God was worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions.

4. God knew that one day Adam would require someone to locate and hand him the remote.

3. God knew Adam would never remember which night to put the garbage on the curb.

2. God knew that as the keeper of the garden, Adam would never remember where he left his tools.

And finally, the Number 1 reason why God created Eve……….

1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched his head and said, “I can do better than that.”