Ten Bible Pickup Lines

“I’m usually not very prophetic, but I can see us together.”

“You put the stud in bible study.”

“Now I know why Solomon had 700 wives… He never met you!”

“I didn’t know angels flew this low.”

“I’m no Joseph, maybe you can help me interpret the dreams I’ve been having about you?”

“What’s your name and number so I can add you to my prayer list?”

“Here’s my number… Call me if you need prayer.”

“Is your name Faith? ‘Cause you’re the substance of things I’ve hoped for.”

“Is this the transfiguration? because you are glowing.”

“Excuse me, I believe one of your ribs belongs to me.”

A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination as he turned the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages.

“Momma, look what I found,” the boy called out.

“What have you got there, dear?” asked his mother.

With astonishment in the young boy’s voice, he answered: “I think it’s Adam’s suit!”

The priest said, “Confess your sins and be forgiven.”

The young woman said, “Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times.”

The priest thought long and hard and then said, “Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice.”

The young woman asked, “Will this cleanse me of my sins?”

The Priest said “No, but it might wipe that smile off of your face!”

Joe and Max, both in their eighties, were sitting on the porch talking over the old days. They wondered if there would be baseball in heaven. They both had played and had a love of the sport. They promised to tell each other if they could, if either one of them found out. Joe suddenly passed away the next week. Max was sitting by himself when he heard Joe’s voice.

“Max, it’s me-Joe! I’ve got good news and bad news. The good news is that there is baseball in heaven!”

Max asked, “So what’s the bad news Joe?”

“You’re pitching Tuesday.”

Church Kids:

* 3-year-old, Reese: “Our Father, Who does art in heaven, Harold is His name. Amen.”

* A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, “Thou shall not take the covers off the neighbor’s wife.”

 

* I had been teaching my three-year old daughter, Caitlin, the Lord’s Prayer for several evenings at bedtime. She would repeat after me the lines from the prayer. Finally, she decided to go solo. I listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word right up to the end of the prayer: “Lead us not into temptation,” she prayed, “but deliver us some E-mail. Amen.”

* One particular four-year-old prayed, “And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets.”