One mid-morning, the kindergarten teacher said, “If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers.” A little voice from the back of the room asked, “How will that help?”
The preacher came to visit the other day and said that at my age I should be thinking of the hereafter. “Oh, I do,” I replied, “No matter where I am: in the parlor, upstairs, in the kitchen or down in the basement, I ask myself now… “What am I here after?”
So a woman has her whole life planned out… she wants to have 4 husbands.
She’s going to marry a Banker, Actor, Preacher, and an Undertaker… WHY? One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go!
At Sunday school, they taught how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when he was told how Eve was created out of one of Adam’s ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said “Johnny, what’s the matter?” Little Johnny responded, “I have pain in my side. I think I’m going to have a wife.”
Church Funnies
* Heard a pastor say that the best prayer he ever heard was: “Lord, please make me the kind of person my dog thinks I am.”
* On a very cold, snowy Sunday in February, only the pastor and one farmer arrived at the village church. The pastor said, “Well, I guess we won’t have a service today.” The farmer replied: “Heck why?If only one cow shows up at feeding time, I feed it.”
* Over the massive front doors of a church, these words were inscribed: “The Gates of Heaven.” Below that was a small cardboard sign which read: “Please use other entrance.”
* My wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to our six- year-old daughter and said, “Would you like to say the blessing?” I wouldn’t know what to say,” she replied. “Just say what you hear Mommy say,” my wife said. Our daughter bowed her head and said: “Dear Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?”
* During a children’s sermon, the pastor asked the children what “Amen” means. A little boy raised his hand and said: “It means ‘Tha-tha-tha-that’s all folks!’ “