Q: What’s the difference between God and a surgeon?

A: God knows He’s not a surgeon.

 

 

Adam was walking with his two sons, Cain and Abel. They were walking past the Garden of Eden. There were trees fallen, weeds growing everywhere, the grass was long and half of it was dry and withered.

Abel says to his dad, “Dad, what happened over there in the garden? It looks awful.”

“Oh that,” says Adam. “That is where your mother ate us out of house and home.”

 

 

A small town had three churches: Presbyterian, Methodist, and Baptist. All three had a serious problem with squirrels in the church. Each church in its own fashion had a meeting to deal with the problem.

The Presbyterians decided that it was predestined that squirrels be in the church and that they would just have to live with them.

The Methodists decided they should lovingly deal with the squirrels in the style of Charles Wesley. They humanely trapped them and released them in a park at the edge of town. Within 3 days, they were all back in the church.

The Baptists had the best solution. They voted the squirrels in as members….Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.

 

 

Morris the loudmouth mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon Dr. Danny Seros, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his Mercedes.

Morris shouted across the garage, “Hey Seros! Is dat you? Come on ova’ here a minute.” The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where Morris the mechanic was working on the car.

Morris straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, “So Mr. Fancy Doctor, look at dis here work. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind ’em, put in new parts. When I finish, dis baby will purr like a kitten. So how come you get da big bucks, when you an’ me is doing basically da same work?”

Dr. Seros leaned over and whispered to Morris the loudmouth mechanic. “Try doing it with the engine running.”

 

Bible Riddles

Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married?

A. Ruthless

Q. What do they call pastors in Germany?

A. German Shepherds.

Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?

A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?

A. The area around Jordan. The banks were always overflowing.

Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?

A. Samson. He brought the house down.

Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?

A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.

Q. Who is the greatest baby-sitter mentioned in the Bible?

A. David. He rocked Goliath into a very deep sleep.