The new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house, it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but there was no answer to his repeated knocks at the door. He took out a card, wrote “Revelation 3:20” on the back and stuck it in the door.

When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, “Genesis 3:10.” Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he burst into laughter.

Revelation 3:20 begins “Behold, I stand at the door and knock.” Genesis 3:10 reads, “I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked.”

 

A middle-aged woman has a heart attack and is taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she has a near death experience. During that experience she sees God and asks if this is it. God says no and explains that she has another 30 years to live.

Upon her recovery she decides to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, liposuction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc. She even has someone come in and change her hair color. She figures since she’s got another 30 years, she might as well make the most of it.

She walks out of the hospital after the last operation and is killed by an ambulance speeding by. She arrives in front of God and complains, “I thought you said I had another 30 years.”

God replies, “I didn’t recognize you.”

 

 

Bulletin Board Bloopers

The peace-making meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.

Don’t let worry kill you. Let the Church help.

Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.

Due to the Rector’s illness, Wednesday’s healing services will be discontinued until further notice.

Miss Mary Jones sang, “I Will Not Pass This Way Again,” giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It is a good chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

Today, “Christian Youth Fellowship House Sexuality Course,” 1 pm-8 pm. Please park in the rear parking lot for this activity.

Easter Sunday, we will have a 9:30 worship service. The 11:00 will be hell as usual.

Barbara C. remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack’s sermons.

The sermon this morning: Jesus Walks on the Water. The sermon tonight: Searching for Jesus.