Two nuns had just finished their shift at a hospital and were on their way back to the convent. They had just passed a gas station when their car ran out of gas. The two nuns frantically looked in their trunk for something to collect the gas in, but all they could find was a bed pan. So they walked back to the gas station, collected the gas and returned. As they were filling the tank with the bed pan, a pastor and his wife happened to be driving by. The surprised pastor turned to his wife and exclaimed, “Now that’s faith!”

Nine-year-old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday school.

“Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then he used his walkie-talkie to radio headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved.”

“Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?” his mother asked.

“Well, no….. but if I told it the way the teacher did, you’d never believe it!”

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm, a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, “Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?”

The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. “I can’t, dear,” she said. “I have to sleep with Daddy.”

A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: “The big sissy.”

 

A man joined the priesthood. The order he joined could not speak for seven years. Then they could only say 2 words.

The first seven years passed and they went into a small room. His 2 words were “too cold”.

The next seven years passed and they took him back into the small room and his 2 words were “bad food.”

The next seven years passed. They took him back into the small room and his 2 words were “I quit.”

“Good,” they said, “all you have done is complain.”

 

One day, God was looking down to earth and saw all of the evil that was going on. He decided to send an angel down to earth to check it out, so He called on a female angel and sent her to earth for a time. When she returned she told God, “Yes, it is bad on earth. 95% is bad and 5% is good.”

He thought for a moment and decided that to get another point of view, He’d better send down a male angel. So God called a male angel and sent him to earth for a time. When the male angel returned he went to God and told him, too, that the earth was in decline; 95% was bad and 5% was good.

God said that was awful, but to help the 5% that were good, He would   encourage them by sending a letter to them; something to help them keep going. Do you know what that letter said?

Oh — I guess you didn’t get one either, huh?