Once upon a time there was a very rich and prominent man who was dying. Before he died, he told his wife that he wanted to take his money and riches to heaven with him. So he gave her instructions to take all his money and riches and put them all inside a bag and tie them up on the ceiling of their attic. That way, when his spirit left him and he was ascending to heaven he could grab the bag and take it all with him.

So the time came when the man was on his death bed and he finally died. The wife waited in the attic for the bag full of money to be taken. Time elapsed over a period of time and the bag remained there.

Suddenly a thought donned on her and she suddenly grabbed the bag and ran downstairs to the basement….
 

A family was on its way to the hospital where the 16-year-old daughter was scheduled to undergo a tonsillectomy. During the ride, the teenager and her parents talked about how the procedure would be performed.

“Dad,” the teenager asked, “how are they going to keep my mouth open during the surgery?”

Without hesitation, he said, “They’re going to give you a phone.”
 

A man was brought to Mercy Hospital, and taken quickly in for coronary surgery. The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed.

“Mr. Smith, you’re going to be just fine,” said the nun, gently patting his hand, “We do need to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?”

“No, I’m not,” the man whispered hoarsely.

“Can you pay in cash?” persisted the nun.

“I’m afraid I cannot, Sister.”

“Well, do you have any close relatives?” the nun inquired.

“Just my sister in New Mexico,” he volunteered, “But she’s a humble spinster nun.”

“Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith. Nuns are not ‘spinsters;’ they are married to God.”

“Wonderful,” said Smith. “In that case, please send the bill to my brother-in-law.”
 

A little boy opened the big family Bible with fascination, and looked at the old pages as he turned them. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible.

He picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages.

“Mama, look what I found!” the boy called out.

“What do you have, dear?” she asked.

With astonishment in his voice, the young man replied, “I think it’s Adam’s suit!”
 

An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his doctor and his lawyer, both church members, to come to his home.

When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit, one on each side of his bed. The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything.

Both the doctor and the lawyer were touched and flattered that the preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moments. They were also puzzled; the preacher had never given them any indication that he particularly liked either of them. They both remembered his many long, uncomfortable sermons about greed, covetousness and avaricious behavior that made them squirm in their seats.

Finally, the doctor said, “Preacher, why did you ask us to come?” The old preacher mustered up his strength, then said weakly, “Jesus died between two thieves … and that’s how I want to go.”