The elderly pastor was searching his closet for his collar before church one Sunday morning. In the back of the closet, he found a small box containing 3 eggs and 100 $1 bills.

He called his wife into the closet to ask her about the box and its contents. Embarrassed, she admitted having hidden the box there for their entire 30 years of marriage. Disappointed and hurt, the pastor asked her, “WHY?”

The wife replied that she hadn’t wanted to hurt his feelings. He asked her how the box could have hurt his feelings. She said that every time during their marriage that he had delivered a poor sermon, she had placed an egg in the box.

The pastor felt that 3 poor sermons in 30 years was certainly nothing to feel bad about, so he asked her what the $100 was for.

She replied, “Each time I got a dozen eggs, I sold them to the neighbors for $1.”

After a particularly trying week in kindergarten, little Bobby was spending the weekend with his grandmother. His grandmother decided to take him to the park on Saturday morning. It had been snowing all night and everything was beautiful.

His grandmother remarked…”Doesn’t it look like an artist painted this scenery? Did you know God painted this just for you?”

Bobby said, “Yes, God did it and he did it left handed.”

This confused his grandmother a bit, and she asked him “What makes you say God did this with his left hand?”

“Well,” said Bobby, “we learned at Sunday School last week that Jesus sits on God’s right hand!”

Yours truly climbs to the top of Mount Sinai to talk to God. Looking up, I ask the Lord, “God, what does a million years mean to you?” The Lord replies, “A minute.”

I then ask, “And what does a million dollars mean to you?” The Lord replies, “A penny.”

So I prayerfully ask, “Can I have a penny?” The Lord replies, “Sure. Just give Me a minute.”

 

 

We were in line to leave the church.  My friend was in front of me, and the preacher was standing at the door shaking hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside.

The Pastor said to him, “You need to join the Army of the Lord!”

My friend replied, “I’m already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor.” Pastor questioned, “How come I don’t see you except at Christmas and Easter, then?” He whispered back, “I’m in the secret service.”

 

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, “You should do it, because you get up first. That way we don’t have to wait as long to get our coffee.”

The husband said, “You are in charge of the cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.”

The wife replies, “No, you should do it because it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.”

The husband replies, “I can’t believe that. Prove it to me.”

So the wife grabbed her Bible;  and opening it to the New Testament, she turned to her husband and showed him where, at the top of several pages, it indeed says… HEBREWS.