I don’t remember the exact length of time, but it was a few months after becoming a Christian that I backslid into sexual impropriety. At the time, I was a member of two small groups: one was for singles; the other was made up of prayer warriors.

The impropriety lasted for about a month, if I’m remembering correctly. During that time I experienced the most excruciating stress, having one foot in the church and one foot in the world. It felt profane and sacrilegious. It was wrong and hypocritical to hold hands with others as they prayed (I didn’t). I missed God’s peace and wanted it back.

So I confessed my sin to both groups after having confessed to the Lord, and having asked for His forgiveness.

One of the group members later told me that I didn’t have to confess as I did, publically. And she was right. Since then, I’ve come to learn three things about handling the confession of sins. (1) Public sin should be acknowledged publically; (2) wrongs against individuals should be addressed only with those involved; and (3) confess private sin to God in private.

Like most general rules of thumb, though, exceptions can be made. In my case, confessing publically my private sin has served me well. Inspired and motivated by God’s grace (and sustained by it since then), I wanted to be made spiritually accountable. So I voluntarily told both groups that if I were to stray again, I’d have to stand before them and confess again. The thought of that has been a powerful constraint.

(An aside: Every time I think about this story, I’m reminded of the spiritual warfare behind the scenes. As I broke off the relationship, I told the woman I was seeing that I had confessed to some of the church members, and that I truly wanted to be a man of God. At that point, I noticed a shadow in her facial skin. I noticed it because of its movement. It retreated. It moved backwards from the front of her face towards the back of her head.

It was like a movie effect, but the realness of it was sobering. I realized she had been used by an evil spirit in an attempt to win me back to the dark side.)