A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn’t find a space with a meter. Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: “I have circled the block 10 times. If I don’t park here, I’ll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses.”
When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note “I’ve circled this block for 10 years. If I don’t give you a ticket I’ll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation.”
One day, George Bush Jr. was at an airport and he saw someone who looked just like Moses.
He said “Excuse me sir…? Er excuse me! Sir are you Moses?”
The guy would not answer him…
He shook the guy and asked again…”Sir, Sir! Are you Moses? Come on man, I am ex-President George W. Bush Jr. Have a little respect!”
But the man still did not respond…So finally he gets up real close and yells loudly…”Come on Moses why won’t you talk to me!
And suddenly the man snapped a cold look deep into his eyes and said, “Because the last time I talked to a Bush I had to wander in a desert for 40 Years!”
What kind of a car did the apostles drive?
It was a Honda Accord. Acts 2:46 KJV, “And they, continuing daily with one accord”
Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married?
A. Ruthless
Q. What do they call pastors in Germany?
A. German Shepherds.
Q. Who was the greatest male financier in the Bible?
A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.
Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
A. Pharaoh’s daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.
The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play.
“Here’s a copy of the service,” he said impatiently. “But, you’ll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances.”
During the service, the minister paused and said, “Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up.”
At that moment, the substitute organist played “The Star Spangled Banner.” And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!