Sunday morning, a mother went in to wake her son and tell him it was time to get ready for church, to which he replied, “I’m not going.”

“Why not?” she asked.

I’ll give you two good reasons,” he said. “One, they don’t like me, and two, I don’t like them.”

His mother replied, “I’ll give you two good reasons why you ought go to church:

One, you’re 59 years old, and two, you’re the pastor!”

 

An elderly woman walked into the local mega church. An usher greeted her at the door and helped her up a flight of stairs.

“Where would you like to sit?” he asked politely.

“The front row, please,” she answered.

“You really don’t want to do that,” the usher said. “The pastor is really boring.”

“Do you happen to know who I am?” the woman inquired.

“No,” he said.

“I’m the pastor’s mother,” she replied indignantly.

“Do you know who I am?” he asked.

“No,” she said.

“Good,” he answered.

­­

A well-worn one-dollar bill and a well-worn twenty-dollar bill arrived at a Federal Reserve Bank to be retired.

As they moved along the conveyor belt to be burned, they struck up a conversation.

The twenty-dollar bill reminisced about its travels all over the country.

“I’ve had a pretty good life,” the twenty proclaimed. “Why I’ve been to Las Vegas and Atlantic City, the finest restaurants in New York, performances on Broadway, and even a cruise to the Caribbean .”

“Wow!” said the one-dollar bill. “You’ve really had an exciting life!”

“So, tell me,” says the twenty, “where have you been throughout your lifetime?”

The one dollar bill replies, “Oh, I’ve been to the Methodist Church, the Baptist Church, the Lutheran Church .”

The twenty-dollar bill interrupts, “What’s a church?”