Sometimes we don’t want to forgive because the other person disrespected us. And in our minds, subconsciously and oftentimes consciously, we value ourselves too important to be disrespected.

Other times, it’s because retaliation is more desirable. We want the other person to be hurt with guilt. Or the offense may have been so horrendous against a loved one, that to forgive the perpetrator, we feel, is to dishonor the victim.

Whatever the reason, as Christians, we do have the ability to forgive. The capacity to do so comes by the empowering grace of the One that we’ve disrespected, retaliated against, and dishonored.

We continue those actions against Him when we selfishly refuse to reflect His merciful character.  And actions, of course, have consequences. Right off the bat, I see three other negative effects of refusing to forgive.

• An act of unforgiveness affects the body of Christ. Such acts are usually found out. This causes dismay, misunderstandings, and sadness among the saints. There is concern for the unforgiving member’s spiritual stability and growth. There also is concern that such an unforgiving act profanes the Lord’s name and reputation among outsiders.

• God views not forgiving someone as sinful wickedness (Matt. 18: 32, 33). God expects us, as His children, to imitate Him when it comes to forgiveness.

• The unforgiving are unforgiven. Mark 11: 25, 26 says if we don’t forgive, then God will not forgive us our transgressions.

We, of course, want to do the right thing, but our negative feelings often get in the way. It hurts when someone does us wrong.

Feelings are very real and cannot be ignored. However, there is one feeling we must focus on and prayerfully pursue. That would be the feeling of love we have for our Heavenly Father. Wanting to forgive and being able to forgive begins with  love for God.

After that, in the end, forgiving someone is like loving someone. And love, really and ultimately, is all about action. To love, most of us who are not so spiritually advanced, need to practice love. As we practice love, we’ll find ourselves moving closer to God, and He moving closer to us.

That means that eventually we’ll be able to assimilate, to experience and also feel the loving compassion that God has for the people of this world; even for those who do us wrong.

To get to that point, though, again I say we must practice love. We do that by submitting our will to God’s will. We know He wants us to be a forgiving people, so we surrender our will, mind and body to that thought.

As to exactly how we are to proceed, we must ask Him. We do that with a surrendering determination to act upon the thoughts He gives us. Relying on His grace and wisdom will give us the strength and courage needed to act.

That is what I mean by “practice.” Over and over again, it is stepping out in faith. “Practicing your faith” means doing it. It’s taking action in the ways of God.

That’s how a heart for forgiving is developed. That’s how God’s nature and character become our nature and character. That’s how we glorify the Lord.

The Lord knows, though, that we can’t automatically turn on warm, fuzzy feelings when it comes to forgiveness. He knows our internal struggle. Nonetheless, He expects that we go into action to demonstrate His love and forgiveness.

To get to that point, here’s an excellent way to overcome the negative feelings that interfere with our being able to forgive.

Pray! We need to talk to our Father about our hurt, our anger, and resentment. If we keep those feelings bottled up, they will fester inside of us. Give those diseased feelings over to the Lord so He can begin to minister His healing power.

Perhaps instantly, and certainly eventually, those negative feelings will dissipate to a manageable level or be taken away altogether.

For an example of how that works, imagine this: In a church tower, a bell is ringing. It’s being rung by someone pulling on its rope.  But you know what?  When that person lets go of the rope, the bell keeps on swinging:

Ding-dong……….ding……………dong………………..ding…………………….  dong…………………………ding…………………………………….dong.

It gets slower and slower until there’s a final “dong,” and then it stops.

I believe the same thing is true when we take our hands off the rope attached to our negative feelings. So the first thing is to pray, confess our feelings to the Lord, and hand them over to Him.

The main thing to remember, though, is that being able to forgive is not necessarily about our feelings toward another. It’s about surrendering to God’s will and allowing His love of forgiveness to flow through us.

In this way, we lift up Jesus and live up to the name “Christian.”